the pain of other peoples joy

When someone close to me tells me they are pregnant or gives good news of a positive ultrasound. I feel a certain amount of joy for them, however I must admit that the feeling of jealousy and sadness over rule the joy. I have seen so many people in my life get pregnant, enjoy their pregnancy and then have a beautiful baby. All the while I have been trying and waiting for my turn to be pregnant and hold a child of my own.

Today a close friend JP and his wife went to their ultrasound, this lovely man and his wife have suffered through 3 miscarriages. Today in their ultrasound (an ultrasound at 7-8 weeks as she is an obs-gyn doctor and could get in very early) they found twins, one had died and one was alive and healthy. Even though it is sad regarding the one twin the idea that their baby was healthy has left JP beaming, rightfully so. I am happy for them but selfishly I feel sad that is not me. Am I alone in this?? Am I horrible??

In terms of my own IVF process,Chiro and acupuncture are going well. I actually love my acupuncture 20 minutes of just lying quietly by myself. It is lovely. So lets go body, lets get this show on the road!!!!! I am ready to do this!!!!

L.